“Barechested man in sunglasses posing”

so it looks like one of those guys from the black eyed peas who’s not will.i.am finally decided to give up the pipe dream of being a world-renowned musician. stock photos - it pays the bills™

“English Angora rabbit wearing wig and pearls, white background.”

you would think that searching for “fluffy bunnies” would be safe. how in the world could stock photos mess THAT up?

this is how stock photos could mess that up.

“Stalker and victim”

watch out, doug! your stalker is gonna give you a slap with the world’s biggest slim jim!

(check that power stance. nice.)

“Incognito kit”

where would this ensemble help you blend in? unless you are going under cover at a 90s disco pride rave, there is nothing sly about this get up. also, one of the tags is “steampunk”. um, no. as our friends at regretsy would say, “this is not steampunk.” 

“Basement Grooves”

basement? it looks like he was bricked into that tiny space like the cask of amontillado. only through the power of adult contemporary keyboard riffs and his sweet chucks can he free himself from his prison. 

“Young blonde”

sweet shades + cool hair + rum ~n~ Diet Dr. K + fluffy bunny + nails did = TGIF

“Bartender placing cocktail on bar, smiling, portrait”

i’m creating invite cards for a happy hour my company is sponsoring at a conference. i found this lil hottie among the glamour shots of cocktails. i think i’ll just ‘shop a thought bubble above his head that says, “i’ll see YOU at the happy hour”. how sweet! and look, he just mixed you up his specialty, a roofie-coloda. 

his name is wayne, and his hair is simultaneously frizzy and greasy. 

“portrait of an elderly man on holiday drinking from a pineapple cocktail “

elderly? really? well, if drinking a cocktail out of a pineapple in front of a tropical backdrop with the world’s whitest veneers was on his bucket list, this elderly man can die happy when he croaks next week. 

“clown”

yes, he is attempting to eat a chinchilla. this is what i get for searching “halloween monsters” for our themed blog post. this may be a new juggalo initiation ceremony now that the FBI has classed them as a gang on the level of the blood and crips. the fluffier they are, the more hardcore you are.

“male vampire and a baby”

i use stock images fairly regularly at work, and every time i log into our stock photo site, i find something that i’m sure does not need to exist. this blog is my travel journal as i sojourn through the land of stock images and meet its strange inhabitants.